Child Behavioral Problem

The Secrets To Improving Children's Behaviour

Mon, 30 Jun 2008 23:09:47 +0000

By Michael Grose

Most parents at some stage are driven to distraction by one or more of their children’s annoying habits or behaviours, whether it is a toddler who continually whines, a school-aged child who leaves clothes lying around or a teenager who uses a less than pleasant vocabulary.

How to affect change is a challenge for many parents. Do you ignore a child’s annoying behaviour or do you pick up on it? A useful rule of thumb is to pick up on behaviours that are dangerous to the child himself or significantly infringe on the rights and comfort of others.

Also ask yourself: Is this behaviour reasonable for the child’s age? For instance, it is reasonable to expect an eight year old not to disturb you while you are on the phone for twenty minutes but it is not reasonable to expect the same of a two year old.

It is also useful to take into account the child’s current state of mind and what is going in on their lives that may be related to some unusual behaviour to occur at home.

The following four principles for changing your child’s behaviour will be effective if you are both patient and persistent.

Principle one: Change your initial response first. This is important because children’s behaviour generally requires a pay-off, which may be your attention or an attempt to defeat you. The most important principle about changing children’s behaviour is to change your own behaviour first.So if your child' whines (a child's version of water torture) to get his own way refrain from answering back or giving in.

Principle two: Practise with your child the behaviour that you want. The notion of behaviour rehearsal is fundamental to learning a new behaviour. Don’t just tell kids what you expect, get them to practise the behaviour you want. In the example of a young whiner - get him to practise asking for help or a treat in a normal voice.

Principle three: Minimise the behaviour you don’t want. That means when children continue their old behaviour despite your brilliant suggestions ignore it, sidestep it or implement a consequence but don’t nag or harp on it. Remember it takes time often to change a behaviour, particularly if it has been happening for a long time.

Principle four: Spotlight the appropriate behaviour. When your children behave in the desired way show your sincere appreciation. We often take children for granted or rather we are trained to give children no attention when they are good, but plenty when they are less than perfect. The behaviours we focus on expand so we need to focus our attention on desirable behaviours more than on the negative behaviours. For our young whiner it is essential to make a fuss when he uses a normal voice to get what he wants.

Like any process it will only work if you stick to it and follow it through. And don’t be afraid to adapt it to suit your circumstances. Remember, it is the fact that you have a plan rather than the nature of the plan that is most powerful in achieving a change in your children’s behaviour.

For practical ideas to make children's irritating behaviours such as whining, nagging, tantrums and sibling fighting disappear read Michael Grose's ground-breaking book - One Step Ahead. It is available at the shop at www.parentingideas.com.au

Michael Grose, a popular parenting expert, shows you practical ways to raise happy, confident, well-behaved kids and resilient teenagers. Improve children’s confidence and behaviour now and get Michael’s free ebook ’25 ways to speak so children will listen’ at http://www.parentingideas.com.au . While you are there subscribe to Happy Kids newsletter and get regular updates to build your 21st Century parenting manual.

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Non-Compliance in Your Children, Some Tips for Parents

Tue, 24 Jun 2008 00:48:31 +0000

By Douglas Cowan, Psy.D.

Non-compliance is the family therapist's big word for your child not obeying you when you have asked him or her to do something. It is helpful because it is descriptive, and because it may also motivate us as parents to move our kids from being non-compliant to being compliant.

Here's how we are going to define the term "non-compliance" in children:

1. The child fails to begin doing what he was asked within a reasonable amount of time (15 seconds);
2. The child fails to keep doing what he was asked until the job is finished;
3. The child fails to follow previously taught rules of conduct in a specific situation, such as at church, at school, at the store, or with friends;

When your child is non-compliant you need to take action. You simply cannot ignore the behavior hoping that it will go away. Deal with the situation yourself, or consider getting some professional help in tough situations. Non-compliance should be treated because:

1. It is the most frequent complaint of parents seeking help in clinics;
2. It underlies most negative interactions between family members and the child;
3. Because disruptive-aggressive behaviors usually do not occur randomly. Instead they occur in "bursts" and are usually associated with having asked the child to do something.

Over the years I have developed some presuppositions with respect to children and their behavior. I'd like to pass this on to you, as parents, with the hope that it will help you in dealing with your non-compliant child. They are:

1. Kids are weird. Children do not think like adults do, they do not process information as adults do. The do not see the world around them as adults do.
2. Kids are fools. This is not original with me. King Solomon, reflecting on his growing family (remember he had 1,000 wives and many children) said this a long time ago. "Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child," is the way he put it. Simply said, "Kids will do foolish things, they are not yet wise." It is our job as parents to teach them wisdom.
3. We often EXPECT more out of our kid's behavior than we expect from ourselves. We want others to excuse faults in us, yet we will expect perfection in our children. This needs to change.
4. Children do things on purpose. Sometimes your child will misbehave on purpose. He is testing you. He is observing you. Draw the line now, or you will be sorry later.
5. Child behavior is not random. See number 4.

Here are two phrases for parents to remember in understanding your children:

A child's behavior occurs because of who the child is, what the child knows about you, and what the child wants from you.

The child will do things either to get POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT, or to ESCAPE or AVOID SOMETHING that he does not want to do or have.

So please spend enough time with your child to let him know that you are on his side, and that you want the best for him. There are certain things that our children need to know in order to be successful in life, and one of those things is knowing how to listen and obey parents. Stay the course and be consistent with teaching your child wisdom and compliance. To learn more about helping children, visit http://www.addinSchool.com.

Douglas Cowan, Psy.D., is a family therapist who has been working with ADHD children and their families since 1986. He is the clinical director of the ADHD Information Library's family of seven web sites, including [http://www.newideas.net]http://www.newideas.net, helping over 350,000 parents and teachers learn more about ADHD each year. Dr. Cowan also serves on the Medical Advisory Board of VAXA International of Tampa, FL., is President of the Board of Directors for KAXL 88.3 FM in central California, and is President of NewIdeas.net Incorporated.

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Is your child behavior is normal? Simple way to find and correct it.

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 03:28:48 +0000

By Empowering parents

It is important for parents to understand the changes that a child goes through during each phase of development. Parents should decide what behaviors are going to be acceptable and what behavior will not be tolerated based on the age and development of the child. A kid's behavior may be a problem if it doesn't match the expectations of the family or if it is disruptive.

Some of the child behavioral problem found common among the children and the remedy for those problems are discussed in this article.

Some children are just naturally more defiant, disrespect, fussy, anger and irritable than others, which by itself can be challenging for parents. Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), learning disorders, late speech and language skills, and mild forms of autism can also lead to behavior disorders. Family stress, single parenthood and neighborhood violence can also be risk factors. If the stress plays major part in the child's misbehavior you can easily rectify it by removing the source of stress.

Teen anger may be expressed as annoyance and dislike. Some teens may repress their anger and withdraw; others may be more defiant and destroy property. They will continue their behavior, or it may escalate, until they decide to look within themselves to the roots of their anger. Anger is usually caused by something going on in a teen's life. To overcome this, listen to your teen and focus on feelings. Try to understand the situation from his/her perspective. Blaming only builds up more walls and ends all communication. Tell them how you feel, stick to facts, and deal with the present moment. Show that you care and show your love to the struggling teen.

Of all the factors that can cause misbehavior and behavior disorders, the easiest to change is parenting technique. Parent training helps you to correct your child’s bad behavior. Parent training will not cure ADHD, conduct disorder, oppositional defiant disorder or other disorders; such problems require treatment by a health care professional. Programs such as the child behavior program, good parenting program, which were created for parents, can help to decrease a child's behavior problems.

The most important techniques taught by the program are playing with your child, using the power of praising, power of ignoring, building a loving stable relationship between parents and children, and attentiveness & response for improving your child's behavior. By consistently using the above techniques, many parents will find their child's behavior improving without a trip to the doctor.

If after trying these techniques the child's behavior continues to worsen, or if it doesn't improve at all, parents may want to consider seeing a pediatrician or behavioral therapist for further testing.

Empower your parenting by the following the guidelines provided by the child behavior programs or parenting sites. Learn all you can about how to effectively manage your child's behavior; find what works for you; and then use those strategies in a consistent and structured way. Routines and clear expectations for behavior benefit all children.

Child Behavior and Running Late - How Do Busy Parents Cope?

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 03:24:24 +0000

By Adelaide Zindler

Do your children run late morning after morning? Do they panic looking for their favorite shirt or the papers they needed to have signed before school? Do you end up doling out lunch money while the food you had planned for lunch mildews in the refrigerator? Are you emotionally exhausted by the time everyone finally heads out the door? If so take heart. A fearless parenting strategy may be just what you need!

Pack lunches the night before. Have the children take turns helping with this, packing everything that will stay fresh the evening before. Allow the same child to finish up with you in the morning.

Set the table and prepare for breakfast right after dinner. Plan meals in advance to improve your physical and emotional health, to save everyone time, and to reduce anxiety. As someone is finishing up the dinner dishes, have another child set the table for "break-fast" in the morning.

Decide on clothing a day ahead. Before your children go to bed, their outfit for the next day should already be waiting to avoid panic in the morning. Encourage them to chose from two or three items they want to wear the next day until they are old enough to do it by themselves. Offer gentle suggestions as needed.

Have all school papers and homework stored and rolling backpacks by the door the night before. Then all the children have to do is grab their lunches and gear, a high-five, a smile, or a hug from mom and dad, and be out the door!

More than one child? Let them plan their own bathroom schedule. If your children share a bathroom, show them how to negotiate who gets the shower at what time and rotate if they prefer. For younger sibling consider a family bath time. Try placing especially designed essential oils on their pillow and/or massaging it into their feet just before their bedtime story to further reduce restlessness.

Wake your family up with soothing sounds. If your children are old enough for alarm clocks allow the music to play softly for a while before it is really time to get up. Offer a station with relaxing sounds or serenade them yourself. Consider how your touch and your tone will invite them. It will start their day and yours on a better note without jarring everyone out of their sleep.

Leave the television out of their bedroom. It often pulls attention away from optimal thoughts as the media can be disquieting even for adults. Try leaving the TV off and engage with each other about the day ahead. Consider putting one in the family room ifyou must and donating the rest of them to your local thrift store or landfill for that matter.

Share the morning chores. Sit down together to breakfast and then clear the table, attend to the dishes, and get ready to leave. Since you will be breaking your fast after a good night of sleep, consider making this one your heartiest meal. Adjust your routine to fit your optimal lifestyle. The synergy in working together will energize your entire family and set a collaborative tone to your day.

What would make your journey as a parent even more rewarding than it already is? When you need help reaching your goals consider a gentle alliance to help you get there.

Adelaide Zindler is The E-School Coach with a Bachelor's degree in Child Development, who found herself pregnant with a second child after 23 years. Trained in nutrition and life coaching she is also an award winning author and widely quoted in major publications around the country and a contributor to both ABC and Fox affiliates. Sign up for her free tips when you browse her website at http://FearlessParenting.com

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